I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
