when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
