u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
