Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i believe in u and ur pee
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