HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
