were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
