I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
