the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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