I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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