he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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