i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
