He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
