I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
