Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
