Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
