i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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