dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
