And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
