If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
