We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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