I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My vagina is officially offended.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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