The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
