Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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