He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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