The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
