3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
