Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
