the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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