My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
