She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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