remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
