Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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