Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
