C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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