me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
