mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
