i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
