i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This is my gift to your gina
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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