Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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