I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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