My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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