we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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