He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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