Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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