Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
