Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
