I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
