Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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