I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
