...so i touched it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
