I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
