the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
